sheesh....

no baby yet, and frankly i'm tired of everyone's take on it, including my own.
So this is going to be a rant, and I'm going to realize why i'm not a very good blogger, because I only write when things have me spooled up or irritated, and when everything is peachy, I don't have anything to say.

So......
Enough with all the scheduling. I don't care when your flight is, when the full moon is, when our move is, when you can watch my kids, when you are on duty, when you can get off of work, when the pigs fly.

I AM DONE. BABY WILL COME WHEN BABY IS READY AND I'M GIVING UP COMPLETE CONTROL OF TRYING TO FIT IT IN.

To be fair, I have contributed a fair amount to this by trying to accomodate people, by asking questions and by adding in extras, like hiring an out of town doula and not asking for help until after baby arrives. So I take full responsiblity for bringing some of these extra stressors on. That being said....I would like to tell everyone to jump off a cliff now. I think that's the way DH is feeling too. And I understand. It doesn't make it any easier on me, but I understand. He feels the pressure too....but just saying "I don't want to cause conflict" in and of iteself causes a bit of conflict. Its ok...because like I said, I've brought a good bit of it on myself....but its also the last straw for all of it. I guess its kind of like having one last person you thought was ok with everything telling you that they're really not...just like everyone else has already pulled out of the deal. The house of cards crumbles. I am totally rambling.

That being said. Screw it all...my hypnosis will work wonderfully at the time of my baby's birth. I will be completely calm and serene and focused only on me and the baby. I will not take into account any one elses issues. Whether or not I'm "good" at it, whether the doula is helpful, whether the doctor gets his pictures or the nurse gets her first birth. I can't deal. I won't deal. I'm letting it all go right now. Whooosh....there it goes out the door, being blown by the wind.

I realize I should sit down and do some fear clearing or even just some gentle hypnosis right now, but frankly I'm too wired and irritated. And the real kicker is that its not just DH I 'm frustrated with...its mostly myself and a reflection from him about how its all been going.

Let it go louie.............


Maybe I should have been the one to take to the batting cages tonight.

There....its all out, maybe now I'll feel better.