continuing education

I think its an amazing thing that we continue to learn and grow in our faith as long as we seek out God.

I know that sounds like an awfully big proclamation, but it struck me this weekend at Mass.

As a cradle Catholic growing up in the watered down-Post Vatican II-CCD only-early 80's I am realizing just how many traditions, rites and even doctrines I am confused about or unaware of.

This week's learning curve was all about our obligation to attend Mass. I've always known it was a requirement to go each week. But I also kind of figured it was a requirement similar to the speed limit. Meaning that in many ways is was mostly a suggestion. Generally I've been good about going, I don't purposely skip out to go eat a big breakfast at Denny's or just sleep in and enjoy an extra hour of rest. But if we were travelling or visiting with family, I relied on a "travellers dispensation" to count for me.

Yet this week, after returning from a quick road trip (where we didn't make it to Mass) I read a post about missing Mass being a MORTAL SIN. Seriously, I had no idea. I mean, I knew Mass was important, but MORTAL??? All these years I've thought venial and a few extra days in purgatory.

And I was confused. Is our loving and benevolent God really going to toss us into Hell for missing Sunday prayers? It seems too harsh and unloving. But at daily mass with my kindergartner it suddenly seemed wrong to go to Communion. Even though, MANY OTHER TIMES, I've received after missing a mass, now I felt like I was acting selfish and flippant to simply assume it was ok.

I wasn't able to go to Confession on Saturday either (the lack of opportunities for that is a WHOLE OTHER POST--grrr!!), so on Sunday I found myself sitting in church pondering my whole predicament.

Should I stay or should I go now? If I stay there will be trouble, but if I go there will be double.

Sorry, bad music flashback there.

Anyway, as I was reflecting on the rules for receiving Communion, I realized that I didn't really have a good excuse to try and receive and make confession later. Nothing about my trip had been remote and I certainly wasn't in a grave situation. So I did something I've never done before. I sat through Sunday Mass and didn't receive the Eucharist. Now I've done that for one reason or another with a daily Mass, but Sunday is ANOTHER THING ALTOGETHER, you know what I mean??

And I tried talking to God about the whole thing. The conversation (albeit mostly one sided) went along these lines.

Seriously, a MORTAL SIN???

Ok, I get it. Its a big deal. I didn't get it before.

So now what, why MORTAL?

And I sat and thought some more. I'll freely admit, I probably missed most of the homily as I worked on this issue in my head, but I was earnestly looking for an answer.

And this is what I came up with. Until this weekend if I missed a mass, I just went the next Sunday and received as if it were no big deal. I certainly didn't feel like I had missed anything from the previous week and I just "jumped back in" when I got home. Simply wanting to receive when I was there was good enough, I didn't need to concern myself with my previous actions and choices. But after sitting through this Sunday, I had such a desire to receive Communion and yet I knew I couldn't. I missed, I mean really missed having that time with Jesus.

And that, in my humble heart and opinion is probably why its a mortal sin. Not to punish us for missing a time commitment, but so that we are truly reminded about how wonderfully amazing the Eucharist is. So that we don't just brush it all off and easily forget about its importance. I've never missed Jesus before. I just went the next week as if it were no big deal. This week, while I sat alone, I realized I missed God last week and because of that I would have to miss Him again. The yearning I felt reminded me of the utter importance of and incredible miracle that we have in Mass. Not at all like a big Catholic guilt trip, but more like a "See what you've been missing kid, here come on back, I'm waiting for you."

And so now, the faith walk continues. The lessons deepen, doctrines and rulse make more sense. And I need to find a time to get to Confession, pronto.