Links that made me think and other random musings

Well we had a wonderful visit with Grandma. I'm hoping we even got some good pictures of our quick trip to the light house. If so, I'll be sure to post them. The boys laughed and giggled with her throughout the week and it was just a fun time all around.

Now to catch up on the laundry, the mail, the blog......

I've been doing a lot of mental blogging lately. Thinking to myself, "Ah, yes, I'll have to remember to write about that." I often go so far as to write myself a sticky note so I don't forget about the topic. Yet when the time comes to sit and type, I'm not as enthused about the topic or idea, and so more often than not, the post does not get written. Obviously, I'm not a sit and ponder kind of gal. Just an observation.

Anyhoo....I read two posts yesterday that really got me thinking.

First Michelle talked a lot about forgiveness and what it really means when you take it to heart.
I spent most of last night thinking about what she wrote and how difficult it can be to be honest with yourself about hurt feelings and regret.

I've been dealing with a yucky situation for a few weeks now and I'll admit to feeling ignored and misjudged without really having any way to defend or explain myself. And truth be told, I shouldn't even need to defend or explain myself, but I feel like I should. Its too much to explain without the sordid details, but suffice it to say, I have offered no prayers, no charitable thoughts. I've been complaining and even gossiping to others about the whole thing. And I need to stop. Right. Now. I need to not only let go of my hurt, but seek to understand the other party's point of view. I need to do my best to make amends and really mean it. Time for confession again, folks.

And then I read from Danielle about the common practice of labeling our children as burdens. This too left me thinking throughout the evening. While I haven't offered to eat glass as her acquaintance did, I have probably said some pretty raw things about being a parent. I'm sure I've brought up being tired, and worn out and completely overwhelmed. I'm learning though that my children REALLY DO HEAR (and internalize) everything I say. And so, if when I'm talking on the phone to my friends all I'm doing is fussing and complaining about a long and tiring day, most likely my kids are picking up on my tone and my meaning.

Let me make it clear. My children are not perfect, but they are a tremendous blessing to my husband and I. Gifts from God that we PRAYED to receive.

I think I may have picked up somewhere that it is my right to complain, because this motherhood thing is tough. Reading Danielle's post shifted my thinking a bit. Of course, we all need a safe place to vent and to refocus, but it probably shouldn't be our everyday talk with everyone.

Parenthood is tough, no doubt about it. Yet with this toughness I truly believe I am gaining grace. I have learned so much about myself and my strengths and weaknesses, about my absolute need and dependence on God. I need to emphasize the good (and the God) in all of this. I need to stop complaining so much and start rejoicing and giving thanks.

I need to be open to sharing the joy and not just the complaints.

After reflecting on all of this for a night and into the day, what it all comes down to is that I've been going through the motions of faith life the last few weeks (maybe months). I've been going to mass and offering a few prayers here and there, but I think I've been phoning it in and it shows in my comments and actions. Time to reconnect, to refocus, to stop petty gossip and complaining. Its time to spring clean myself and not just my house. Time to think about the big stuff of life and what it really all means.