is merely a new perspective.
Warning, girl-things are going to be discussed in the remainder of the post. For any readers who might not understand hormones, PMS or the like, you may want to skip today's rambling.
My period started *4* days early this month. Along with the usual "excitement", my cycle involves a lot of pain and a good bit of crankiness, so starting early isn't something I would usually want to to happen.
In fact, on day one, I wasn't at all happy. I was mad and hurting and just generally irritable. But by day two, I could see the silver lining.
When you'd like to be preggers, when you are hoping and yearning for another baby, the two-week wait is miserable. There's a lot of mental gymnastics involved; a lot of time wasted thinking of due dates and names and what ifs. And even when you are pretty sure you aren't pregnant, you still spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about all the possibilities.
Unless of course you start early and don't even have time to start thinking about the what ifs. I don't know about any of you, but for me, the worst time is the day or two before I am supposed to start, because that's just when I think it *might* really be possible. Until then I don't give it much thought. But those last two days, yeah that's when I think too much.
So to be spared all the time wondering and waiting and worrying, really is a gift. I have enough on my mind right now. And if it is not meant to be that we have another family member, I am ok with that. While a positive test would be an amazing Christmas gift, I'll take what I do have (cramps and all) and acknowledge it as gift of grace.
2 comments:
one of the things i admire most about you, denise, is the wonderful perspective you have on life and all it brings. you'll always be an inspiration. xo
his denise, it's ann-krestene. thanks so much for sharing this (it hits very close to home for me) it's nice to have words to all the feelings. the wait is unbearable, and the crash when it doesn't take is so hard, too hard..
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